How one mother copes

One reader of Lovefraud.com was married to a narcissist, which is similar to a sociopath. She has been able to raise her children to be normal, even though they see their father frequently. Here are her tips:

“Associate as little as possible with the ex, preferably by e-mail and keep it all business. The children will recognize what you are doing by the time they are pre-teens. You need not say a thing.
Compliment your child daily, even over the phone when they are visiting with their father. Ask questions about their day and how they feel and what their opinions are on different subjects and issues. Let them be HEARD; the narcissist will never really hear their sweet voices. Hug them and display closeness by holding hands, smiling, laughing and joking with them.
Criticize when necessary, but only in private. Make sure they know it is the action you do not care for, but you still love them, no matter what, period, and SAY this to them. Praise them in public and not just for their accomplishments, but just for them being who and what they are. Soften your tone and voice, they need to hear kind words and thoughtful manners to wash away the strident harshness of their father’s cruel, acerbic and almost always critical voice.
Let them know, in the most non-offensive way, that you do not approve of their father’s actions, as they are disrespectful to others. Make sure they SEE YOU behaving in a loving, accepting and respectful way to all others. Let them see you being kind frequently, no matter how small the kindness. Show them how to do the right thing under all circumstances and to be kind, no matter what. Teach them that all they can truly control is themselves and live this one (especially) by example!
Tell them each day that you love them, and I mean every day. Admire their accomplishments, encourage them to be frank, open, honest and to speak their minds, even to their father. Assure them that you are 100% behind them at all times. Teach them not to be afraid of this man or anyone else, and that they are worthy of the love they receive from you and others.
Lastly, when the time is right, let them watch you and include them often in a loving relationship with a normal man. They will discern what is right and what is narcissistic behavior.”

Other mothers who are co-parenting with sociopaths have found that their children are very perceptive. Kids can see through the sociopath’s façade to his “meanness.” Sometimes they see the evil before adults do.