A wonderful reminder of how children witness abuse and how those experiences stay with them a life time. Fortunately this amazing man has taken those experiences and used his life to make things for others. I appreciate his comments about the shame someone feels when they are abused.
When I was a child, I often witnessed my father abuse my mother. Often, I would step in between them and ask him to stop. I watched the same cycle repeat with my mother's future husbands and my father's future wife. I vowed never to allow anyone to treat me that way.
When, I was 17, I called the police on my father after an altercation with my step mother. (Funny how I am still unable to identify my father as an abuser) He disappeared for a couple a years and I was left with the responsibility of being my brother and sister's guardian and the relationship with my father was never really mended.
Years later, I found myself in the same place as my mother and my 10 year old daughter was stepping in the middle. My abuser was different than my father. He did not stop, he would tell my daughter to shut up, tell her it was all her fault, call her a whore just like her mother or throw something at her. It was wake up call that it was time to leave.
As the time has gone by since my escape. I have asked my daughter if she remembers bad times we experienced while living with her father. Her response was quite surprising.
"Mommy, I don't remember everyday, I only remember one year, you and dad did not fight on my birthday, once you dad went I field trip with me, and I love cheap Mexican food because we went there once and dad did not yell at you"
My daughter remembers those few moments of peace as a special occasion and the daily rage as normal..............And that is why a move forward.
I never point out what her father did to me, she is too young to deal with it. Just as I can not identify my father as an abuser. She can not identify her father as an abuser.
I can however explain to my daughter that no one should ever abuse her. That she is a person and her feeling, dreams and desires are real and valid. I can live today and demand respect from everyone that is apart of my life and I can easily discard those who harm me.
Fortunately today, I am in an incredible relationship with a man that truly respects me and my children. She not only witnesses kindness and respect, she receives it.
http://www.upworthy.com/a-brave-fan-asks-patrick-stewart-a-question-he-doesnt-usually-get-and-is-given-a-beautiful-answer
Kind words are always appreciated!
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